So after an evening of melancholy, its time to turn the page. Life marches on and Terri would want that as well. So this morning, after not much sleep... I rolled out of bed at 5:30am. This is normally very late for me - but on a Sunday morning, its definitely sleeping in (okay it would have been if I had slept.) But my brain was moving - so my body had to follow.
Like almost everyone I know - I have a routine in the morning. And when its altered, I quickly turn into a fledgling fool. This morning Ron got up with me. Now during the week, I'm up at 4:30 and out of the house 2 hours before he even puts his feet on the floor. So when he gets up with me on a Sunday morning - I wonder what's up? cause its usually just me. Evidently the excitement wasn't - he just wanted to get up. Now I'm wondering why? You finally came to bed last night at midnight after talking to the guy who lives across the street who was shoveling his roof at 11:30 at night (this is normal, right?)
So he got up. said three words to me and then disappeared outside. Hmmm... okay - I'm already off my tracks. What am I supposed to be doing? Oh yeah, check AQ. Quiet this early in the morning, joined all the postals listed, no messages in my inbox, and nothing I need to look at. Let's jump over to Facebook. Have to park my cars, look through the Scavenger Hunt pages, send gifts to Ashley so her numbers can be higher than Sean's (LOL), Escape from whatever twisted form of capture I've been thrown into, search for tiles for my words and out of nowhere... ping. I have a message. Now who on earth is chatting with me at this hour? LOL! Seems The Dazzler was also up and restless. Chatted for a bit, signed off to get dressed, jumped in the car and headed off to meet up with Teacup. Said a quick goodbye to Ron who was now sleeping on the couch, and told him I'd be home by 10am.
Half way to Teacup's house my stomach started grumbling bad! I started to reflect. When was the last time I ate? Damn. Not only did I not have my coffee cup with me - but I didn't eat anything since yesterday at 3:30 when Ron cooked scallops. No wonder my stomach was protesting. But no time to stop - I had to be at Tea's house by 7. And the sun was well up in the sky already. Daylight was slipping by and we still were not inky! I was going to drive, but damn. The other thing I forgot - my coolant light had been coming on and off for 4 days. Not feeling overly lucky, I thought Tea should drive. So a quick switch of vehicles we were off.
Now in case you haven't been following this - there is a small rat race going on between Team MudCup and Team Jiffyracer... why, frankly we do not know. Because our only true goal is to get it off Tea's list. Do we have to be first, not really. It just needs to get crossed off at some point. Team Jiffyracer has decided they need to up the ante and get there before us - so they can leave us notes. This has also happened on occasion with The DazzlingKoko team as well. Team MudCup is not what you would classify as competitive. Evidently this is a bad boxing trait. I think somewhere on the AQ site in teeny tiny letters it must say in a subordinate clause "You must get there first or you will be perpetually slammed in logbooks lingering in waiting Lock and Locks all over the country." I will say I've looked for this clause on AQ numerous times. Actually thought I found it once or twice, but would always disappear like a pile of ashes when I clicked on the link.
But as we headed off to Gorham yet once again, (Koko is in desperate need of company) to pick up the ever elusive BOM, we knew before getting there that Team Jiffyracer had beaten us to the punch. Now we have a two for two average of pulling up to this location, and needing to trudge through snow. I was ready - I had on my Bean boots and if I needed to I could probably toss a rope down to the box and drag it across the frozen tundra. But first we had to get there. And our first obstacle was the south bound toll plaza! Damn toll is now a buck! Tea threw the change back into her console and we fished out the credit card! We paid our blood money and continued south. We pulled into the location... and alas - there was a well beaten path to the location!
A quick grab and I had the box in hand and headed back to the car. So it was 7:30, the sun was up - and for the fourth month in a row, Koko did not meet us with coffee and tea. A quick thought of pounding on the front door ran through my head, but I went back to the car instead. Now this was a twofer month. Love was tickling Phil the groundhog. Evidently Team Jiffyracer thought poor Phil should have been red... but we opted to color him in brown. Trying to be careful, we replaced the stamps and read the note left us. We logged in and sealed everything back up. Koko also felt he needed to downsize the location's holding vessel. The smaller cooler was precariously perched on the open end of a bucket.
Now the logical side of me was thinking, why didn't he flip the bucket over so it would sit flat? And tried as I might, I could not get it to sit flat. It kept flipping off the edge of the bucket. Oh to hell with it. I tipped it sideways into the bucket and was done with it, until next month! The return home had us making a quick u-turn to look in a fruitless location for Koko's latest mind annoyance. But we could cross that off as a possibility. Heading north is now 2 bucks! UGH! 3 dollars for 4 images! We were thinking Koko really needed to provide 3 images for the rest of the months to make it worth while. Either that or start planting in Gorham so we have other boxes to look for while we are in the area!
Now in case you haven't heard - Koko and I are co-hosting a small little meeting in March in Freeport. What does this mean on a Sunday morning? A quick car ride through town looking for potential hidey holes for boxes. And oh the places we found! Of course we also tried to do some box maintenance on one of Tea's boxes. For the next few weeks it is an extreme box! And anyone who can dig this box out and bring it to the gather - Tea says she'll have a bonus stamp for you!
We tooled around town and clicked off possible locations in our heads. Found maps to help with the planting a seeking and contemplated possibilities for newer locations, both temporary and permanent.
So I made it home by 10am and no one was there. My family had ditched me! But that didn't last long. Before long I was scrapbooking with Veronica, helping Ashley with her homework poster collage and watching Christopher sing and dance to Mama Mia, again! I carved a little, made a batch of chili for dinner with cornbread. Knocked the ice off my parent's roof right above their back door and shoveled the back walk between our houses. Ron filled my radiator and fixed the flat tire on Christopher's tricycle.
So much to do, so many things happening and so many things to come. No more time spent on being melancholy. While memories will stay with me, its time to start making even more of them! And just when you think its safe... you'll find out that Team MudCup has done something you weren't expecting. So much more to come in the next few months!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
All Things Equal
I know folks were waiting to read my 'witty' summary of the mini meet at the Maine Bean, but to all I should apologize up front. I wasn't in the mood to feel witty and still find it hard to pull the lighter side out of this day for me. I started the day by attending the memorial service for a friend. It was harder than I would have thought, but I was thankful that I had attended. My seventeen year old daughter, Ashley went with me. And together we quickly went through the pack of tissues I had stashed in my bag.
So many memories about Terri were shared by her mother, father, sister, son and her best friend. I looked around and felt like I should have gotten up and said something in her honor. I was one of only two who attended from LL Bean, where Terri and I had met and she had worked for over seven years. So many tales I could have shared with her family. Memories of how she lifted me up when I was going through one of the worst times of my life and how we celebrated the end of my divorce, which ironically landed on her birthday. How we ran off to Rangeley for the weekend to have a girls weekend away after a stressful event at work - only to have one of the guys show up because his marriage was falling apart and he needed shoulders to cry on.
How she decided we should go out and celebrate for my 30th birthday. Old Orchard Beach listening to a live band and walking on the beach barefoot. But I'm still not sure how I ended up the designated driver home, only to get pulled over by the Scarborough police, have my car searched and be told by them that I needed to pick my friends better while she giggled standing at the front of my car as she was being searched for illegal stuff.
Terri would show up at Ashley's performances at school, and when she left Beans we drifted apart. Partially because we lost a common bond, mostly because neither of us took the time to keep the friendship together. Before Christmas I saw her son at work. That's when I learned that she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and only had a couple of weeks to live. This spun my past fast and furiously in front of me. Bring old memories to the forefront of my mind. A week later I attended the funeral of my 28 year old niece who died unexpectedly when she was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery and died while she was being prepped in the ER.
Two deaths in a month can rattle anyone's cage. I was with Terri two days before she died. I held her hand and she tried to tell me something. I thought for sure because of the medication she was on that she was confused. But she held fast and held on tight. She knew something was wrong with her. She begged me to help her fix it. I was with her when she had a brain tumor operated on a few years ago. The doctors were able to fix that. I was heart broken when I had to tell her we couldn't fix it this time. The desperation in her eyes was crushing. I asked her mother, who had been staying with Terri in the hospice if she had been told that the cancer she had was fatal and she nodded.
Somewhere inside of me, it felt like Terri was holding out hope that if I had been there the last time and managed to help make the tumor go away - seeing me would bring the same ray of hope. To be the one to take that ray of hope away from someone, watch the light drain out of her eyes as understanding sunk in, was devastating to me. Its not like I hadn't seen death before, because I have had more around me die than most. I think I can handle the idea of it, but deep down - every time someone dies, they take a piece of me with them. A piece of light that we shared together forever extinguished.
So sitting there as her family shared their memories, I tucked the memories we had shared deeper inside. Feeling selfish that I wasn't strong enough to share them with those that were there to remember her. So once we met up with Teacup, needless to say, my light was slightly dimmer and I didn't really have the energy to put on a truly happy face for everyone. While I enjoyed the company, it was overshadowed by remorse. I came home very inky, carted away 3 of the coveted eclairs, a whoppie pie and 2 cupcakes for my family and pretended everything was happy in my world.
So for those of you looking for the thrills and adventures of what happened at the Maine Bean, I again apologize. While I was there in body, I was not there in heart and soul. Jiffy arranged for a great meet and it was attended by a couple newbies and a few regulars. The stamps were wonderful and I'm thankful I attended because it did bring some light into the shadows of my heart. But a witty summary will have to be handled by others that were there. Because for me, my light was still greatly hiding in the shadows of the passing of a good friend, and the sorrow of a friendship lost.
So many memories about Terri were shared by her mother, father, sister, son and her best friend. I looked around and felt like I should have gotten up and said something in her honor. I was one of only two who attended from LL Bean, where Terri and I had met and she had worked for over seven years. So many tales I could have shared with her family. Memories of how she lifted me up when I was going through one of the worst times of my life and how we celebrated the end of my divorce, which ironically landed on her birthday. How we ran off to Rangeley for the weekend to have a girls weekend away after a stressful event at work - only to have one of the guys show up because his marriage was falling apart and he needed shoulders to cry on.
How she decided we should go out and celebrate for my 30th birthday. Old Orchard Beach listening to a live band and walking on the beach barefoot. But I'm still not sure how I ended up the designated driver home, only to get pulled over by the Scarborough police, have my car searched and be told by them that I needed to pick my friends better while she giggled standing at the front of my car as she was being searched for illegal stuff.
Terri would show up at Ashley's performances at school, and when she left Beans we drifted apart. Partially because we lost a common bond, mostly because neither of us took the time to keep the friendship together. Before Christmas I saw her son at work. That's when I learned that she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and only had a couple of weeks to live. This spun my past fast and furiously in front of me. Bring old memories to the forefront of my mind. A week later I attended the funeral of my 28 year old niece who died unexpectedly when she was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery and died while she was being prepped in the ER.
Two deaths in a month can rattle anyone's cage. I was with Terri two days before she died. I held her hand and she tried to tell me something. I thought for sure because of the medication she was on that she was confused. But she held fast and held on tight. She knew something was wrong with her. She begged me to help her fix it. I was with her when she had a brain tumor operated on a few years ago. The doctors were able to fix that. I was heart broken when I had to tell her we couldn't fix it this time. The desperation in her eyes was crushing. I asked her mother, who had been staying with Terri in the hospice if she had been told that the cancer she had was fatal and she nodded.
Somewhere inside of me, it felt like Terri was holding out hope that if I had been there the last time and managed to help make the tumor go away - seeing me would bring the same ray of hope. To be the one to take that ray of hope away from someone, watch the light drain out of her eyes as understanding sunk in, was devastating to me. Its not like I hadn't seen death before, because I have had more around me die than most. I think I can handle the idea of it, but deep down - every time someone dies, they take a piece of me with them. A piece of light that we shared together forever extinguished.
So sitting there as her family shared their memories, I tucked the memories we had shared deeper inside. Feeling selfish that I wasn't strong enough to share them with those that were there to remember her. So once we met up with Teacup, needless to say, my light was slightly dimmer and I didn't really have the energy to put on a truly happy face for everyone. While I enjoyed the company, it was overshadowed by remorse. I came home very inky, carted away 3 of the coveted eclairs, a whoppie pie and 2 cupcakes for my family and pretended everything was happy in my world.
So for those of you looking for the thrills and adventures of what happened at the Maine Bean, I again apologize. While I was there in body, I was not there in heart and soul. Jiffy arranged for a great meet and it was attended by a couple newbies and a few regulars. The stamps were wonderful and I'm thankful I attended because it did bring some light into the shadows of my heart. But a witty summary will have to be handled by others that were there. Because for me, my light was still greatly hiding in the shadows of the passing of a good friend, and the sorrow of a friendship lost.
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