United Way Loaned Executive Experience

First - let me start by saying that I had been primed to do this for three years.  I had been our building Division Manager and had handled the campaign for close to 1000 employees each year - so I thought I knew what I was getting into by having my leader nominate me to be a Loaned Executive for United Way.  I couldn't have been more wrong.


At LL Bean - you have to be nominated to be a Loaned Executive for United Way.  Once you are nominated by your Supervisor - it then has to be blessed by your Manager and then your Division Vice President BEFORE it even makes it to Staffing.  They then sort through the applications and interview only the best nominated employees.  And the interview process is hard.  It's an hour interview done by a panel of previous Loaned Executives from LL Bean the year prior, plus facilitators from Staffing and Employee Development.  And the questions make you think and do some serious soul searching.  If you didn't have a remote connection to United Way - you wouldn't make it through the interview process.

LL Bean loans out four employees to area United Way agencies.  Greater Portland, Androscoggin County and Mid-Coast Maine.  They also ask you where you'd prefer to work.  Since I live and grew up in Brunswick - I of course told them Mid-Coast was my first option, but I'd go anywhere they decided.  I figured I was a shoe-in for Mid-Coast.  After all - I had a recommendation from one of the Mid-Coast United Way Board Members requesting me as part of their campaign.  So when I got the call that I was picked for Greater Portland - I thought, "Okay?  How bad can it be?"  The first thing I had to do was attend the cocktail reception at Maine Health in Portland. 


Now I work in a Distribution center... I wear jeans and t-shirts.  In the summer shorts and t-shirts.  Sneakers are the normal footwear everyday.  And I had to leave work and head to a 'cocktail reception' with United Way board members, staff, and the other Loaned Executives.  I had to first FIND dress clothes... I think I own some.  But where are they?  I haven't been to something dressy - well, since my wedding!  But I dug out a dress, painted my toe nails as I was wearing sandals and found my best looking sandals... even those are mostly more well-worn than dressy.  But they'd have to do.  Dressed up as best as I could pull off - I drove into Portland - hot on the heels of everyone I work with telling me they'd never seen me in a dress before...


Maine Health is housed in the old Sear building - a non-nondescript brick three story building next to the Civic Center.  It looked like every other brick building in Portland - and the last time I had been in it was probably in the late 70's when it was still the Sears building.  I opened the door and walked into an atrium of three floors of 'offices' over-looking their sky lit common meeting area one floor below ground level.  Every level was draped in lush ivy and the natural light made me feel like I wasn't in an office building at all.  It was spectacular.  After I closed my gaping mouth - found my name tag - managed to remember to get my parking validated - I headed downstairs to see what I was getting myself into.  I was never so excited to see a familiar face as I was to see Mara.  She had been our Loaned Executive the year before and I headed straight for her.  I had a moment to gather what little wits I had - looking around at the wine and beer bar and the finger appetizers strategically perched around the room.  But in my mind all I could think was - "I don't do cocktail parties.  I cater them, heck I could even serve the drinks, but I'm not usually one attending them."


So people started to slowly fill the area.  Everyone was wearing name tags - but they were all different colors.  Green, blue, black and I had no idea what any of them meant. I quickly looked at mine to see what color it was - but just as quickly forgot.  People were beginning to gather.  Men dressed in suits and ties, sophisticated women in dresses all flashing pearly white smiles.  They migrated towards the bar and picked up their glasses of wine or microbrews and I continued to wander around like a lost soul. 


I was introduced to a few people - other Loaned Executives mostly but then was left to my own devices.  Oh gawd... I hate mingling.  I hate small talk.  I'm better at being behind the scenes - comfortably cooking the cute little appetizers they were serving.  But I managed to weave my way to the bar and pick up my glass of ginger ale.  High test as it was served with lime.  I didn't dare eat anything - because knowing my luck - I'd be the one with spinach caught between my front teeth for the whole thing - and that was one impression I could seriously do without. 


After about thirty minutes of excruciating mingling - people started to make small speeches.  And surprise - all of the Loaned Executives got to get up and tell why they were a Loaned Executive, what company sponsored them and why they supported United Way.  Stars started to flash before my eyes.  I was getting fuzzy.  Speak in front of people I'd never met - or barely met.  This could only result in a sudden implosion of my brain.  And lucky me - having Stevens as a last name - I got to go almost last.  So the others slowly started to get up and do their little introduction.  In my head I kept repeating - "You work at LL Bean, you work at LL Bean" because that was the one thing I really didn't want to forget in front of everyone.


They were eloquent.  They were poised.  I was a shaking mess.  Time ticked away, my heart rate started to pound in my ears, louder and louder.  I hate public speaking.  I can do it when I know about it - but impromptu - I feel a stroke starting to surface.  I'm going to pass out.  I'm going to trip going up the steps they were using as a stage.  I can't do this.  Hyperventilation was quickly working its way through me.  And then they called my name.  I navigated through the group and up two steps.  Didn't trip, still breathing and I started to speak.  I think I mentioned LL Bean.  I think I mentioned United Way was personal to me.  I think I said a few other things. But frankly - its a big black hole in my memory.  I finished and stepped back down and tried to fade into the crowd. 


The last person spoke and we mingled some more.  I had lasted a little more than an hour in a two hour reception.  I had to break free.  I said my thanks to the couple of people I knew and mentioned that I had to get home.  I lived in Brunswick and had the longest commute.  I smiled, and tried to not run back up the stairs to get out of that reception.  I walked - as calmly as possible back to my car.  Out of my sandals and back into sensible shoes to drive.  I sat for a moment to collect my breath.  What on earth was everyone thinking???  This is not me.  I should be in Mid-Coast.  I'm so far out of my comfort zone it's not funny.  I made it home without passing out.  Self-doubt filling me.


Back at Beans the next day I spoke with Pam, my supervisor.  "Pam, it was horrible.  I can't do cocktail receptions.  I can do small talk.  Why on earth did they pick me for Greater Portland?  I don't belong there."  And as Pam does, in her soft reassuring tone, she simply stated "Kathleen, this is what you've wanted for a long time.  They picked you for a reason.  You'll do great."  Hmmm... I was not convinced.  I mentioned my experience to my co-workers.  One looked me straight in the eye and said, "Suck it up buttercup.  You can do this and you'll rock it."


I don't know about rock it - but I won't back out.  We'll see how it turns out...