As 2014 draws to a close

I find myself reflecting on the past year.  And the most I can say is that for me it was a year of recovery. After trying end to 2013, the beginning of 2014 held little hope that things would get better in my personal life.  But time and acceptance - even if things are not how I'd hoped they be - is how I find myself ending 2014.  The year had a host of minor joys and letdowns as every one's life holds.  But for me they seem to have hit me hard mentally and creatively.
Little has brought me the joy I hoped it would, and many of my endeavors seemed to fall flat in my expectations.  With less that five days until Christmas I can't remember a year that I've felt less festive than this one.  Granted being sick the past week hasn't helped - but this year just lacks the festive feel I've managed to wiggle out of December.  While busy at work - in year's past its been with joy and happiness that we've strived to get those gifts out to customers.  This year it was just flat... going through the motions without the sense of joy.  With work hours sapping me dry - and my lack of enthusiasm for just about everything - I can't wait for December to end.
I have had some joyous moments... an event in January brought out old friends and new ones to play and get inky in the middle of the night.  While the weather was bitter - the enthusiasm was not to be dampened. There were other events that made for great days as well... there's nothing so soothing like getting together with good friends for inky therapy.  Though not all events were strung out on good thoughts and happy endings... some things just need to come to an end.  Thus the final event at Thomas Point Beach.  Many memories made making the decision to stop hard - but frankly with 2 camping events before my August event - the numbers were dropping and I figured folks just had had enough.  Time to move on.
I love hosting events... hiding boxes for folks to find.  Bringing folks together for inky therapy makes me momentarily happy - but things just seem unfulfilled lately.
With so many things just not working out the way I'd hoped - both professionally and personally - I feel slightly defeated.  Work was especially difficult this year.  A work associate who I had dealt with for many years at a much higher detail, working on many projects together, seemed to spiral out of control finding me in HR.  My work atmosphere is less than positive but I'm wondering if it's just my cynicism at this point that sees the problems spinning all around me.  I love my job and hate my job.  I love going to work and hate going to work.  Work has kept me awake at night and kept me home in tears and frustration.
Thankfully - pulling me through the year are two of my children.  While Veronica has moved out of our lives to a large degree, Christopher and Ashley bring me considerable joy.  Ashley was kind enough to spend her 23rd birthday entertaining her mother on Friday the 13th in June.  We had a fabulous day hiking, planting and laughing in the rain.  Then just recently Ashley and Christopher visited Battleship Cove and the Lizzie Borden House.  Just their tales alone brought me vicarious joy.
But as the year comes to a close I can only hope that spirits rise and tides change direction.  Wishing everyone out there a wonderful new year full of hope, joy and happiness.  Even if you have to go out of your way to find it.